Your one-stop porn shop

From time to time I like to visit my "site meter" to check out statistics about my blog. How did the few people who have visited here, get here? Mostly it's been people I know. I check out their blogs, they check out mine. Occasionally, someone will Google me and find my blog at the top of the list. (Like my childhood buddy Mark -- check out the 3rd comment in my October 1st entry).

But my favorite stats are those concerning people who stumble onto this blog accidentally. They usually come from Google or MSN searches -- like the person who found Q'ner Industries after searching MSN for "TIMMY INDUSTRIES." I wonder what this person was actually looking for? A page that had something to say about how Timmy relates to industries in general? I would imagine the two words don't often occur in the same sentence. Could there be an actual company that calls itself Timmy Industries? What would they manufacture? Little Timmys? Is that anything like Little Debbies? Perhaps my industries could merge with Timmy's and we could form a conglomerate.

Another recent visitor was apparently searching for legitimate X-Files fan fiction and found my entry into the genre. I only wish that he (and I assume it was a he) had left a comment about my work. It deserves a mention, dammit.

However, the unquestionable winner in the "how did I get here?" contest is the guy (and again, I assume with confidence that it was a guy) from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia who found his way to Q'ner Industries by entering the words "gush pussy teen" into MSN search. Now, while I have a feeling I know what he was looking for, a few questions remain:

1. Why did my site come up in the results list? I mention each of the words only once: "teen" and "pussy" appear in the X-Files entry and "gush" appears in my very first post. So how did my blog catapult to the top (number three, I checked) of MSN's "gush pussy teen" list? The irony, of course, is that I've now included these words so many times here that I'm going to start getting hits from every guy out there looking for a little hot "gush pussy teen." And you know I do love rich, delicious, fancy-pants irony!
   
   
2. What exactly was this guy looking for? I can understand the intent behind two of the three search words, but "gush?" Did he perhaps mean to type in bush or gash? If not, what specific fetish was he trying to satisfy in the three-word string that the mere entry of "teen" and "pussy" simply would not provide? What was he hoping to see gush forth from the other two words?
   
   
3. Was this guy a true blue Saudi or an American stationed there? If he was the latter, isn't it about time for some R&R? If he was the former (and I do hope he was), what does this mean for the country as a whole? Imagine that he is a religious man, home after a long day of prayer. He sees the wife off to bed, then settles in behind his computer for some heretic enjoyment that only "gush pussy teen" can provide.
   
   Think of it. After all the needless war waged by our administration in the Middle East in the name of peace, what if the entire fundamentalist movement is ultimately dismantled because the Internet provides access to something our own fundamentalist administration is seeking to censor -- the universal desire to get an eyeful of a little "gush pussy teen." Ooohhh! More delicious irony!
   

I find it interesting that three words on my blog, used in unrelated contexts, are assembled and given a new meaning through the strange algorythms of MSN and one man's desire. It's all very meta and postmodern, two buzzwords I've been known to use while holding a cocktail. How many more people out there, in their midnight search for "gush pussy teen," will happen upon my site, assess the content and move on? To those who do, I am sorry but you will not find what you are looking for here. I only hope this momentary diversion does not soften your resolve. There is plenty of legitimate "gush pussy teen" out there. Godspeed on your continued search.