Bushoxofin Chewables!

The following is a paid advertisment from the makers of Bushoxofin®

Ever since Rolling Rivers Pharmaceutical and Cookie Concerns began offering Bushoxofin, millions have been spared the terrible symptoms of outrage and anger caused by contemplating the actions of the Bush Administration.

But with the latest news coming out of the White House, sufferers are finding that they would require a Bushoxofin pill the size of a Twinkie just to keep their mental equilibrium. And that, like the President himself, is a tough pill to swallow.

Fortunately, Rolling Rivers Pharmaceutical and Cookie Concerns has an answer. Introducing Bushoxofin Chewables®, a fun new way to wipe away the crippling despair and verbal tics (Whatthefuckinosis) that can strike while watching or reading the news. Each Bushoxofin Chewable contains twice the patented medication found in original Bushoxofin, and its delicious new flavor makes taking your medicine as easy as it is necessary. Pop as many as you need -- we'll make more!


And that's not all. Bushoxofin Chewables come in five EXTREME flavors, each one formulated to alleviate specific symptoms caused by this complex and misunderestimated disease:

• Concerned about the rise of corporate greed and wholesale contempt for poor people? Try a Cheney Cherry.


• Feeling an overall sense of disassociation combined with paranoid feelings that the world is against you? Better pop a Bush Blueberry.


• Wondering how the administration ever got re-elected in the first place? You'll need a Rove Raspberry.


• Worried that your thoughts are somehow leaking out of your brain and into the general media? Snap into a Libby Lemon. (No longer available)

Let's hear from some satisfied customers:

Mommy says that I better have fun in the park now, because by the time I'm her age, there won't be any woods left. That made me sad. But the happy pills made me happy. And they taste good too! Thanks Bushoxofis Chewys!
Amanda Johannson, 6

As a father, I was worried that the real root of terrorism was not being properly addressed. In fact, I somehow believed that the Bush Administration was exacerbating matters by invading countries under false pretenses, thereby inflaming the anger of potential allies in the Middle East and the world. A few pills later and suddenly all I care about is whether that crazy woman on Trading Spouses really said what I think she said. Can you pass the peanut butter?
Robert Fullmer, 43

I'm the CEO of a major oil company and a member of Families For America, a Christian Conservative worry group. I once felt that securing the Middle East, a land that contains both the location of Christ's imminent return as well as vast reserves of petroleum, was a win-win situation. Then I took a Bush Blueberry Chewable. Now I feel we should also invade Spain, France, Brasil and Florida. You know, just in case Christ wants a place to vacation before Judgement Day.
Billy Ray Whitman, 63

Please note that Bushoxofin Chewables aren't for everybody. If you already approve of the Bush Administration, it is recommended you not take this medication. Otherwise, you could end up like Billy Ray Whitman or, worse, Tom Delay.