"The way I see it..." is a bi-monthly column written by Bartholomew Jackson, the Sun Sentinel's oldest correspondent and the last living member of the paper's original editorial staff. Mr. Jackson's opinions do not necessarily represent those of the Sun Sentinel.
The way I see it...
Coffee ought not be served unless it is prepared with the proper attention. An acquaintance of mine who passed on several years ago once told me of a new "coffee," and I use the preceding quotations as a mark of proscriptive emphasis, that is meant to be stirred into a mug of hot water in the fashion of a peptic powder! Now I must ask you: what sort of self-respecting professional would allow his wife to fix him a cup of mess like that?
-Bartholomew Jackson
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"The way I see it..." is a bi-monthly column written by Bartholomew Jackson, the Sun Sentinel's oldest correspondent and the last living member of the paper's original editorial staff. Mr. Jackson's opinions do not necessarily represent those of the Sun Sentinel.
The way I see it...
The United States ought to re-think it's inclusion of Hawaii as state. Along with Alaska, another dunderheaded acquisition, Hawaii makes a hash of wall maps. Here you got this beautiful chunk of USA that looks almost like a cattle or some other large animal, and there's this little box out of nowhere holding up an ugly clump of islands. It looks like that cattle took a turd and out come Hawaii!
-Bartholomew Jackson
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"The way I see it..." is a bi-monthly column written by Bartholomew Jackson, the Sun Sentinel's oldest correspondent and the last living member of the paper's original editorial staff. Mr. Jackson's opinions do not necessarily represent those of the Sun Sentinel.
The way I see it...
If man was meant to mess around under the sea, God would've given him gills. My nephew Baxter, whose softheaded adventures I've written about previously, has taken up a new activity with his latest lady friend. They call it "diving" and it involves an apparatus that looks like something out of a Byron Haskin picture. Apparently, they board a perfectly seaworthy vessel, then abandon it to kick around like a couple of damn fool bullfrogs. I tell you, it's going to be the end of society as we know it. And it's all Baxter's fault!
-Bartholomew Jackson
4 comments:
I declare, Bartholomew Jackson's stridulations would leave Ann Coulter agape! I would ask his opinion on the gay marriage amendment, but I fear once the topic was fully elucidated, he could no longer claim the title of last living staff member...
Actually, he reminds me a bit of Noah Larsen, a fixture on Portland cable access. (Don't bother Googling him--there is no mention of him anywhere despite his having been on local television almost daily for years.) Perhaps not quite a contemporary of Bart's, he's a squinty codger with tufted white hair who drones incessantly on any number of subjects to a static camera like a sleepy Andy Rooney, but without the conviction. He'll explain something at length, and just when you think he's finally going to opine, he'll say something like, "Well, that's what that's about..." and move on. I suppose that's better than when he ruins the endings of books he's perused by describing the contents right to the last page. I've never been able to discern whether the whole thing is a joke (the name of the program is "Empty Mind," after all), but I don't think so. It's hard to say; three or four minutes of his show is the limit of human consumption. Maybe he and Bart could join forces and produce another show that's fun to not watch.
This reminds me of two funny geezer-bashings:
"Old people are no good at everything." --Moe Szyslak
Jim O., upon returning home from a draining day at the deli counter: "You know why old people die? Because they should."
Gentlemen of the Sun Sentinel,
Bartholomew Jackson's column is capital - the finest found in the newsprint of to-day.
My accolades.
Respectfuly yours,
B.J.M. - anonymous railroad tycoon
There's an old coot named Dennis Rogers who writes for the editorial section of the Raleigh News and Observer. I thought of one of his columns that he wrote back in 1997, where he said "good riddance" to Seinfeld.
In his opinion, the show simply wasn't funny. He called George annoyingly neurotic and said (this is true), that with Elaine's attitude, it's no wonder she can't find a man. He said the only character even remotely funny was Kramer, but that he wasn't enough to carry the whole show.
Dennis is clearly no fan of "New York intellectuals," with their snide remarks and flip attitudes.
Hmmm....Seinfeld commentary made me think. I still watch the re-runs, and I think I enjoy them...I laugh at Kramer most of the time...and I caught myself almost masturbating to Elaine when my wife was in Long Island for the weekend, but I switched to Becky (Lori Loughlin) of Full House at the last minute.
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