Me and Clarissa are staying in a really cool hotel. Bermuda has everything! We scuba dived a reef yesterday and the marine life was beautiful. Clarissa saw a barracuda and almost spit out her mouthpiece. I laughed! I hope you get this email. I know how you hate to use the computer we bought you last year. Anyway, hope you're well. Please send money.
-Baxter
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RE: Hi Uncle Bart!
I have received your correspondence on one of the contraptions here at the Sun Sentinel and I am dictating this response through the capable hands of my secretary, Miss Dillers.
What in the hell are you talking about, Baxter? Your late father would be angrier than a mullered scuttlepossum if he knew that you left the university to follow a path of decadence and stupidity with some strumpet you met in a tavern. And for the record, your brother, the honorable Judge Jackson, purchased that computer for me. All you did was plug it in and proceed to play games on it for the next four hours! I haven't turned the damned thing on since. What the hell do I need a computer for? I already have a typewriter and a television set (which your brother also purchased for me).
Let me be clear, Baxter. Drop that hussy off at the nearest cabana and get your skinny butt back to the university post haste! I've talked to Dean Chambers and he has agreed to reinstall you in the dormitory so you can continue your studies. I guess that answers your last question, which is the only reason you dried off long enough to write me: No! I will not send you any money!
-Bartholomew Jackson
1 comment:
There are a few phrases I can only hear said in your voice:
"post haste"
"some strumpet"
and
"Miss Dillers"
You are a funny guy Brian, I miss you! I hope to be around with you knuckleheads on Saturday!!
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