Three Hail Marys and a lap around the Rosary.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been three weeks since my last confession. Here are my sins.

I wouldn't let my brother play with my toys, even though I was done playing with them.
I said the s-word twice after my mom made me clean my room.
I shot and killed a Jehovah's Witness.
I took a nickel off my sister's dresser to buy a sour ball.

What's that, Father? I said I took a nickel from my sister...Oh, the one before that? I killed a Jehovah's Witness. Yes, with a gun. But it was my gun. Let me make that clear. I have a permit and bought it with my allowance money and everything, so it's all legal.

Why did I do it? Who can say? Bad day, I guess. My mom made me clean my room in the morning, then the stupid store was all out of sour balls. So then this guy comes up to me when I'm walking home and he's all Jehovah this and Savior that, and I just popped a cap in his ass. Oops, sorry:

I also said "ass" to a priest. Add that one to the pile, Father.

I'm sorry for killing him. Really. I guess I just wasn't thinking, like the time I pushed my friend because he made me laugh while I was drinking milk. Looking back I realize that I shouldn't have pushed Timmy and I shouldn't have shot that Jehovah's Witness in the throat. My bad on both counts. But like you said last Sunday, every "slip up" is a chance to "grow up," right Father?

So what do I get? Six "Hail Marys?" An "Our Father" or two? Don't be shy about dishing out penance, Father. Seriously, I'll knock those out in a few minutes. I can say the whole "Our Father" prayer in eight seconds. Wanna hear it? OK, another time then.

One more thing, Father. How do you get blood out of cotton? That Jehovah cocksucker bled all over me and I don't want my mom on my ass for ruining another shirt. Will holy water work, you think? Or maybe Tide? Also, can you hide this gun for me? Just until next Sunday. OK, no prob.

Thank you, Father. InthenameoftheFatherSonandtheHolySpiritAmen.