This country has gotten way too informal

I just read an article in Forbes about the most expensive restaurants in the country. Surprisingly, only three of the top ones still require a jacket. Americans, the article notes, want the elegant experience but also want comfort.

I say, pick one or the other you spoiled fucks.

I read another article in Time about airline travel. It was one of those little humor bits in the back of the mag, the kind I usually don't find all that funny. But this one was spot on. The author lamented the days when airline travel was special, but didn't expect them to come back. He simply wanted the airlines to make people act less like douche bags (my words) on the flight.

He mentioned all the characters I hate: The passenger who starts squawking into his Blackberry the moment the flight lands. The guy who blocks the aisle while he fastidiously folds his blazer. The dude who brings in stinky food. And all those dicks who feel its completely appropriate to remove their shoes and rub their disgusting feet.

I'll add a few more to the mix. There's the guy in the forward row who immediately reclines his seat back so that his head is in your lap and you have to eat your bag of pretzels with your arms all scrunched up like a T-rex. There's the can't-sit-still guy who has to get up and pace the aisles the second the seat belt lights go off. This guy also loves to "joke" with the attendants, and has also been known to hold up the whole deplaning process so he can ask the pilot if the plane is a Boeing 6432.

Then there's the guy who simply must retrieve something out of the overhead bin after takeoff, and stands there with his crotch in you face as he rummages through his enormous "carry-on." Or the three assholes who, after landing, spring from their seats to seize their precious overhead bags even though the attendant clearly asked everyone to stay seated until the plane has stopped and we hear the little ding.

Finally, there's the cretins who refuse to follow the normal, front-to-back deplaning procedure and come bullrushing up through the aisle as though they're late for a fucking speech at the U.N.

This lack of humanity is sweeping into every nook of daily life, from restaurants and airlines, to movie theaters, retail stores, gyms, the post office, online and basically every other public area. People have lost the gene that tells them to act like people. Private and public are now synonyms.

Like zombies, the assholes are taking over and infecting others.

The author of the airline article made the unfortunate error of calling himself the "cranky reporter." There's nothing cranky about expecting people to think just a little about the fact that there are other people in the world. You're not a crank if you expect a modicum of, if not class, at least civility. Don't weaken your argument by making concessions out of modesty or politeness. They wouldn't.

But that's the power shift that's happening in this country. It's becoming normal to conduct yourself as though you're the only person in the world, attending to your every desire even if it annoys or disgusts others. Used to be you could shame a slob with a withering look of disgust. Now the same look will elicit not shame but defiance and outrage that you dare assert your rules on others. Today, it's the polite who are rude. How exactly did that happen?

I blame it on the Internet. I blame it on reality TV. I blame it on Mr. Rogers and his comfy sweater vests and those shoes he's taking off every two minutes. I blame every parent who thinks correcting a child is a form of abuse. I blame it on sweatpants and drive-through fast food. I blame it on the shrinking spirit and expanding ass of a once great nation.